Half-Witt Media

Half-Witt Media proudly announces the signing of “cringe rock” band Noisefarmer, along with the release of their new album, “Cheese of the Goat”. Noisefarmer is credited with the burgeoning “cringe rock”, movement – an amalgamation of the “grunge” “scunge” and “grudge” genres of rock.

 Lead singer Crom “Eddie” Cromwell was on hand at Half-Witt Enterprises Corporate Headquarters for the ceremonial release of ten pigeons to commemorate the occasion. “These birds are symbols of what music can do when you feed it and release it,” he remarked. Crom “Eddie” is well known in grunge circles for speaking out about the issues of the day, and reflecting the disdainful reactions from the public back into his lyrics. “The whole theme of ‘Cheese of the Goat’ comes from the idea that you might say something controversial just to ‘get someone’s goat’, or cut them down, but ultimately you cut the cheese too”. While Cromwell’s outspoken persona grates on the rest of the band members, his ability to melt a live audience into a runny, steaming fondue keeps the group going, in search of the perfect recipe for “cringe” nirvana.

 Listen to a preview of the track “Snakehead Toe” from “Cheese of the Goat” below.

 

 Snakehead Toe: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Half-Witt Media proudly announces the signing of Merchalie Tallent to its roster. Ms. Tallent, former lead singer for the successful alt-rock group Ben’s House of Mangy Cats, is one of the premier female singer-songwriters in the business. Tallent, known for her very personal songs such as “Needle in My Eye”,  “Bug in My Ear”, and “Foot in My Mouth”, is about to release her latest album “Salad Daze” through Half-Witt Media.  Listen to a a preview of the song “Corners of My Lips” below.

 

 Corners of My Lips: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Half-Witt Media proudly announces its new foray into the modern, cutting-edge arena of Internet Radio, with “bold new programming for a bold new medium”, according to an anonymous Half-Witt source. Half-Witt Media will pioneer new concepts such as gameshows, which cannot be found on the internet — until now! Listen below to an excerpt from Half-Witt’s new game show, “Puking with the Stars” hosted by Dinkleman “Dink” Duncandale.

 

 "Puking with the Stars - Season 1, Episode 2": Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Knockoff Records, a subsidiary of Half-Witt Media (a division of Half-Witt Enterprises) proudly announces the first release by new artist Counting Crumbs. The new album, self-titled “Counting Crumbs”, has been in limbo for years now, due to a recently settled contract dispute with noted attorney Sheldon “Shelly” Escargot Esq., who claimed rights to the title for his yet-to-be published autobiography.

Lead singer Durwood Adams expressed relief at finally being able to get the album released, as it has been in litigation for nearly 20 years. “All this time, we’ve been touring in support of the album, but have not had nearly the success we would like,” he testified in a recent deposition. Listen to an excerpt of the single “The Baker’s Wife” below.

 

 "The Bakers Wife" by Counting Crumbs: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Half-Witt Media proudly announces a distribution deal with legendary British punk rocker Icky Cricketts. For decades, Reginald Icthyus “Icky” Cricketts has been known almost exclusively in musical circles as “the punkers punk”, and has been out of the limelight for many years by choice. “For many years the public chose not to buy my records, so I decided to record again, once they had forgotten that”, he recently explained in a carefully crafted statement sent to the press.

His latest recording marks a comeback of epic distortion, and features music that is the ultimate embodiment of taut, concise punk — each CD is comprised of one song of less than 20 seconds in duration. “I believe punk rock to be fairly simple”, says Cricketts. “A single thought can comprise an entire song. And the older I get, the less I think.”

On his latest effort, Crickett delivers an insightful statement about society in general, while specifically relating his dispeasure at the aroma one experiences at most shopping mall food courts. Listen to the entire album, “Cinnabon and Baby Poo” in its entirety below by clicking on the play button.

 

 "Cinnabon and Baby Poo": Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Half-Witt Media proudly announces the first release in our “Classy Rock” series by British aristocrat, Lord Farding-Knightley. “Before leather jackets, there were leather armchairs”, proclaims the distribution agreement granted to Half-Witt Media by Britain’s House of Lords. This reference speaks to the smoking room of the exclusive gentleman’s club in London where Lord Farding-Knightley engaged his colleagues in brandy-fueled sing-alongs. Rock historians agree that these are the first known recordings in the English Upper Class Drinking Song genre.

Highly influenced by the sporting atmosphere of his estate in the quaint district of Hedging-on-Smallcapps, as well as the social atmosphere of his London club, Lord Farding-Knightley provided the impetus (often while “in his cups”) for a whole movement across the room to the ancient Victrola recording mechanism where ribald tales of fox hunts and sophisticated pranks became immortalized in song.

Listen to an entire song below from the album “Cheers and All That Sort of Rot”. The song below, “The Fear of Bananas”, is a ditty based on a party anecdote where his Lordship, while pursuing the charms of a lady, was plagued by revelers attempting to distract his manuevers for mere sport, by discreetly poking his behind with a banana.

 

 "The Fear of Bananas": Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Half-Witt Media is proud to announce the signing of legendary pop tunesmiths Weezie and Fritz. The well-traveled duo (and real-life couple) began their recording career in 1973, and are known as the “aunt and uncle of disco”.  Weezie and Fritz began stirring their gumbo of “funk-lite”, directing their angst against bitter rivals Captain and Tennille into a pop-smart stew of danceable tunes that were largely ignored.

 After failing to catch on as songwriters, their first big break came after channeling their dismay into their first  album “Go to Hell K-Tel”. That break lasted more than 16 months, when they decided to try again, recording a Beatles tribute album titled “Nowhere, Man”, which valiantly captured the spirit, passion, and attention of Apple Records’ legal team.

Half-Witt  is proud to be a part of the re-emergence of this classic act with the forthcoming release of Weezie And Fritz’s new album, “2 Much Icing (not enuff cake) “. Listen to a sample of their upcoming single, “Checkout” below.

 

 "Checkout": Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

  Half-Witt Media is proud to announce the forthcoming release of Coldspray’s latest effort, an untitled album already nicknamed by eagerly awaiting fans as “The Yellow Album”. Coldspray is signed to Knockoff Records, a subsidiary of Half-Witt Media. An excerpt of “Sneeze“, the first single from the album, is included below.

  Coldspray, led by singer-songwriter Marty Christian, has cleared the way through a congested market for new bands to thrive on other bands’ music.  ”It was a real headache for awhile,” remarks Christian.  “But it’s great now that Knockoff was able to sign us.” Play an excerpt below:

 

 "Sneeze" - from Coldspray: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Knockoff Records, a subsidiary of Half-Witt Media (a division of Half-Witt Enterprises),  announces the pending release of Pink Fraud’s new album “Dockside of the Moon”. 

Knockoff Records produces music to be sold in markets that are indifferent to copyright protection law. See the press release in the Knockoff Records section for more info. 

 Listen to a preview song, “Your Breath”.

 

 "Your Breath": Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Half-Witt Media proudly announces the upcoming release of country singer Kitty Lee Juddcoat’s long awaited album, “Leehab”. A tentative release date is pending, and will be forthcoming, an anonymous Half-Witt spokesman was rumored to have leaked to the press through a clandestine source. A sneak preview excerpt from the song, “Poor Me, a Drink“, can be heard here (below).

Juddcoat, the former Kitty Lee, nicknamed by her fans as “The Country Sweet Tart”, is known for her mercurial temperament as much as her contributions to country music. Those contributions, however, were deemed illegal in a 1997 IRS audit, and Juddcoat has since released a new album each month towards eradication of the resulting debts. The strategy has finally paid off — Half-Witt Media has rewarded its star with a 10 album deal, spread over 12 months. “I’d like to personally thank Mr. Half and Miss Witt for giving me the chance of a lifetime, to spend within a year’s time,” Juddcoat snorted at a private press conference held exclusively for Half-Witt executives. The uninvited Juddcoat was forcibly removed from the conference as the attendees resumed with their scheduled presentation.

 

 "Poor Me, a Drink": Play Now | Play in Popup | Download